HOUSEWIFE? SEX PARTNER? OR LIFE PARTNER? WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE?

by The Shane
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women are standing together

Dear Women,

In my opinion, you are the finest and the best creation of God. You are the strength of nature, inherently beautiful and very strong. You have dreams, passions, desires, and opinions, just like men. In some ways, you are even better than us. Far better.

Physically and mentally, we are different from each other, but because we both are part of this world, biologically, spiritually, and emotionally, we’re naturally drawn to one another. This natural attraction can lead to the desire to be a part of each other’s lives, fostering feelings of love, marriage, and intimacy.

In relationships, you receive many labels. Sometimes, you are seen just as a sex partner. After marriage, you might be called a housewife. Occasionally, you are recognized as a life partner. But here’s the point for you: Forget about the labels men give you. Ask yourself ,What do you want to be?

Do you want to be a housewife?
A sex partner?
or a life partner?

This is a deep question, so take your time to think about it. Let’s dive into this together.

Note: Now you might be thinking, “Why do I need to be anything? I just want to be me.” Yes, of course, you are you, and you will always be you. This post is actually about helping you embrace your true self, to introduce you to yourself. The natural attraction between men and women means that we often want to be with each other. And when we are with each other, we automatically get a tag. This post is about that tag.

There will be another post dedicated to the sacrifice and strength of women, as well as their weaknesses, but that will be a different topic. Men should not feel left out; I will write a post about them too, which means about me as well.

Chapter 1: Housewife

A simple definition of a housewife is someone who takes care of the home. This includes looking after the husband, children, and everything related to the house such as groceries, cooking, and cleaning.

Personally, I have an issue with the term “housewife.” Frankly speaking i have issue with the whole concept of housewife. A woman isn’t married to the house, so why call herself a housewife? But, in any case, it doesn’t matter what I think. Some of you enjoy this term and take pride in being a housewife. So maybe this term is very much cool to you. To me, calling her a housewife is an insult.

A few days ago, I saw an Arabic post written by a woman where she proudly said that in Arabic you don’t call her a housewife but “rabbaitul bait,” which means “queen of the house.” She was happy to be the queen of the house, but here’s where the problem lies. You are not here to be the queen of the house; you can be the queen of the world. Why settle for being the queen of the house?

I saw an Instagram reel where a girl said she doesn’t want to work or provide money for the family. She just wants to stay at home, care for her family, wait for her husband, and make cookies and food for him. Many women in the video praised this idea; they also aspire to be like that. To me, it’s not wrong to have this desire, but unfortunately, this dream life doesn’t exist. If you want this dream life where you do everything you want in the house without feeling trapped, bored, or sacrificing, soon this dream will crash, and you will wake up in a sad reality.

Finding a guy who will simply earn money for you and let you do whatever you want is hard. And this is not a fair life either. For example, if a guy sacrifices his dream and earns money for you, and you fulfill your dream with it, is it fair? Then what is he getting from you? You are cooking for him and giving your body? Then is not it same like hiring a caretaker or a maid and doing sex with her? Are you a maid? ask yourself.

No i am definitely not saying maids are bad, not at all, i am just giving an example that you are a wife, a partner, not a maid.

But anyway, as I said, this type of life doesn’t exist, and finding this type of life partner is quite impossible. Yes, there are many rich people out there who can provide you with everything, and you can live like a pampered child, but in return, they might just want one thing from you: your body. If this trade you want to go with, then you can’t be called a wife but maybe a sex partner. Hmm, we are moving to our second part, but before that, I want to add something more.

Just imagine, ultimately, after lots of competition, if you find a guy who can take care of you, provide money, and let you do what you want without asking anything, you should definitely get married. But my question is, where is your individuality here? What were your dreams before even thinking about marriage?

Why are you losing your dreams just to have this life? We all know that marriage isn’t everything in life, and we didn’t come to this world just to find a partner. So why would you give up your dreams to rely on someone else’s money and cook for them? How can this bring you happiness?

Well, it can, if you’re afraid of life’s challenges, if you feel fear of going out and making a difference. Many women feel weak, so they focus on a different path; they focus on only pleasing their husband and being faithful. This is an easy life for them.

But is that what you really want? Is that what you really deserve? Did God send you for that? Believe me, in this whole concept, you might lose yourself. You might give up your own identity to serve your husband. Most importantly, you might lose God.

Imagine you’re married, and your husband is the one earning money while you stay at home taking care of the family and him. But what if, one day, you want to go somewhere, or maybe you’re doing something that seems reasonable to you, but your husband doesn’t like it? What will you do then?

Of course, you might say you and your husband will talk about it. But the way you’re willingly giving him all the power and making him like a king, it’s clear that his influence on you will be very strong. This is what happens in many marriages with housewives. In reality, women often end up sacrificing their dreams.

In the beginning, many housewives enjoy being housewives, but because the husband is providing money, this can make him feel like the boss, which might lead to him becoming controlling. This can suffocate the true self of the woman inside you.

Many women leave their dreams or even studies after marriage, sometimes because of the pressure they get from husbands and society. This situation makes them so underconfident, and when a problem with the husband happens, they literally don’t leave him, thinking who will take care of them. In that situation, they kill their souls to live with the husband only so that he can provide money. Is this fair?

When I was a kid, I saw my mom cooking and cleaning every day. My dad would work for 8 to 10 hours, come home, and have his meal ready—he’d eat and sleep, while my mom kept working non-stop. No salary, no pleasure, just constant work. Do you think she deserved that? She had dreams too, so why did she sacrifice everything to serve her husband? Is that fair?

Men often try to emotionally blackmail and control women, and because women are emotional beings, they can easily be manipulated. They leave behind their own dreams and sometimes even neglect their worship of Allah just to serve their partners. This isn’t fair at all.

That’s why I’m asking you: Do you really want to be a housewife? When you were a kid, you had dreams—why don’t you have them anymore?

Btw when i am talking about housewife and showing the problem of being housewife does it mean being a housewife is wrong? Of course not. But the concept should not come as pressure; it should be a choice. Husband and wife should decide together what they should do. If needed, the husband can act as a housewife also, and the wife can work outside too. If needed, they can change roles. It totally depends on them; they must do what is best for their love and family with respect. Unfortunately in reality, mostly we see housewife means working 16-17 hours a day, leaving their own dream aside, taking care of children, and always being active to do everything needed to keep the family happy. As a man obviously we can want a woman like that but if i see as a human then you don’t deserve this life, this is hard work and one sided sacrifices.

I appreciate all the women who sacrifice their lives for their families, but trust me, you are not born for that. You are also born to fly, to fly high, to do ibadah or worship God, not just for taking care of your husband. There should always be a balance. Your husband should respect and love you as a friend, not as a housewife; you shouldn’t even call yourself a housewife.

Chapter 2: Sex Partner

Sex is something really special. This is a strong feeling that drives many of us. Lots of people decide to get married because they want to have sex. They say “I love you” just so that they can have a sexual relationship. Sex is a very natural process to show love, but when a relationship becomes only about sex, it mostly breaks after a certain period.

Think about how things work in those traditional marriages. Picture this: a guy spots you and he’s really attracted to you. He wants to be close to you, he wants to have only sex with you, but he can’t just come out and say, “Hey, I want you physically.” So what does he do? He proposes marriage.

If you say yes, then it is a win-win situation for him. But here’s the thing: there is no real love in this marriage; it is all about sex. In this situation, I call you and him sex partners.

Marriages where the main reason is wanting to be physically close usually don’t last long. Even if they stay married on paper, the strong emotional connection often fades away. It becomes more like a duty to have sex rather than a true expression of love, and the relationship turns into something that’s not healthy or positive. It’s like the real bond that makes a relationship strong gets lost.

I get it, we all enjoy sex, but do you really want your whole focus to be just on sex, and then going through breakups, and repeating the cycle? If that’s what you’re aiming for, I want to be honest and tell you that you’re setting yourself up for a lot of pain. It could take a lifetime to untangle from that kind of situation.

If you struggle with controlling your sexual urges, it’s actually healthier to handle it on your own through masturbation rather than getting into a relationship just to satisfy your desires and end up creating negative vibes and energy. Even God told us a way to control sexual desire, he suggested us to fast; so keep fasting to control your sexual desire.

One effective way to control sexual desire is through physical activity like going to the gym or swimming. When you exercise, your body uses up a lot of energy, which can make you feel pleasantly tired. This tiredness can reduce your feelings of sexual desire because your body needs rest more than anything else.

When you come home after a good workout, your mind might push you to sleep rather than think about sex. This is a natural way to manage your sexual urges. Regular exercise not only keeps you healthy but also helps you control your desires in a balanced way.

Chapter 3: Life Partner

What is a “Partnership”?

Well, in business, a partnership is when two parties come together with trust and a shared goal to make their business successful and profitable. In love and marriage, partnership means being with each other in profitable days and also in days when losses come. That is why a partnership in a relationship is always more interesting, adventurous, and full of thrilling moments. This partnership is about a couple wanting a peaceful life now and a wonderful life in the hereafter, in paradise. In this partnership, two persons join forces to support each other in being good people and helping each other do more positive things. The main purpose of a life partner is to take each other to Jannah/paradise.

In this journey, both partners make decisions together, always aiming for what’s best. There’s no king or queen; they’re equals, two lovebirds just supporting each other. They make sacrifices side by side. If money is tight, they both work; if there’s abundance, they both give to charity. At home, they both share the chores like washing dishes, cooking, and cleaning. They don’t stress each other out; they understand and stand by each other. This is the best way to move forward – as partners.

Imagine this: One of you dreams of being a painter but you have a child. The partner steps up and says, “I’ll take care of our child. You go paint, follow your dream.” When your husband faces problems, you might say, “Stay home, I love you. I’ll work until we overcome this together.” This is what life partners are all about. It’s not about being husband or wife; it’s about being companions who uplift each other and work together as a team for the same goal.

If your husband comes home and says, “Hey, your duty is to cook. Why didn’t you cook today?” Similarly, if you keep blaming your husband every day for not earning enough money for the family, this kind of blaming each other for so-called responsibilities can actually harm the relationship and damage both of your characters. Do you want a relationship like that? I’m pretty sure you don’t. So, strive to become and find a life partner; it will change everything.

Strive to find and be a life partner, as it can transform everything. If you’re wondering how to choose the right partner, consider someone who helps you grow, encourages you to be a better person, and follows the path of God. Marry someone who can guide you towards Jannah, as that is the ultimate success. Attributes such as piety, respect, and genuine love are far more important than superficial qualities like appearance or nationality.

Sometimes, people choose partners based on looks, thinking they can make them more religious or good. But this is risky. It’s like walking on a sharp edge. If you succeed in helping your partner become more religious, that’s great. But if you fail and your partner leads you away from your faith, it could have serious consequences. In such cases, it might be better to stay single than to be with someone who could pull you away from Jannah/paradise.

Conclusion

Remember, you deserve more than just being a housewife or a sex partner. You deserve to be cherished, respected, and loved as a life partner. Make choices that reflect your true worth and aspirations. Your life is a journey, not just a role. Embrace it fully and seek a relationship that honors every part of who you are.

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