Am I a Feminist?
I could answer you right now, but that would make writing this blog lose its value. So, before I answer, I must explain the reasons. First, we need to understand what feminism is and why it’s so important to talk about it.
What is Feminism?
Feminism is the belief in and advocacy for equal rights, opportunities, and freedoms for women in society.
Feminism is actually about finding rights and raising one’s voice for their own rights and freedom. If women want rights from men and society, it’s not about putting men down but about lifting women up. It’s all about women, and when it’s all about women, why do so many men have a problem with feminism? Why do they try to spread negativity about the word “feminist”? Isn’t that strange?
Feminism is all about giving freedom. If you want to wear short clothes or a hijab, you can; you should not be worried about what men think. It is all about personal and professional freedom. If you give freedom to men then give freedom to women too. Yes, listening to your loved ones is your choice, but it should come from the heart and not as pressure from them. Doing what you feel you want to do is feminism.
Also, feminism means including women in decisions and laws that affect them. Decisions should be made together with input from both women and men. That is what true feminism is all about.
The Double Standard
Usually, when some men fight for their rights, we don’t have a problem with it, and it doesn’t become a negatively trending topic. In some cases, we even appreciate their efforts and call them revolutionaries. But when women ask for their rights, why do we try to put them down? Some of us use the term “feminist” negatively, even though it’s a label to be proud of. Also, some women talk against feminism and believe that only characterless women fight for their rights and call themselves feminists. But why?
To understand this, we need to look at different levels of society and examine the mindsets of both men and women. We must expose the masculine gender to understand why they have problems with feminism.
A Message to Men and Women
I want to clarify one thing: this writing isn’t about every man. If this writing exposes the mindset of many men, it doesn’t mean it’s about you or every man. So, you shouldn’t feel bad. By the end of this blog, you should feel proud and good about supporting what’s right. If you don’t, then I’m sorry to say you’re part of the problem—you are one of the men who always try to put women down—and it’s time for you to change.
If you’re a woman, forget everything men and others have told you about feminism. Read this with an open mind and see why feminism is important and why some people, especially men, have issues with it.
I must acknowledge one fact here: some women support feminism and talk about it just to be popular or gain personal profit. This writing does not support them. This writing is all about the reality of feminism, the truth, and my opinions about it as a man and as a psychologist.
The Reality of Gender Control
The question was clear: Why do men have a problem with feminism? Why don’t they want women to raise their voices for their rights?
The answer is simple: Men control society. Men want women to obey them, be their sex partners, satisfy them, and remain silent. If a man feeds a woman, she should eat; if he doesn’t, she should stay hungry. Men want women to ask for permission before doing anything, to cook, clean, and serve them. When men come home, they expect food on the table, a satisfied partner in bed, and then sleep. This tradition has been going on for ages, so when women no longer want to make all the sacrifices silently and start raising their voices, men can’t handle it. That’s why they seize every opportunity to put women down whenever women talk loudly about their rights.
These men have tarnished the word “feminism” so much that even some less knowledgeable women now think feminism is bad.
The Manipulation of Women
Since the beginning of time, men have been manipulating things just to put women down. Eve and Adam both went near the tree and made the mistake, but in some scriptures and cultures, they only blame Eve for that. When a man cooks at home, people praise him and feel proud of him. But when women work outside, in some cultures, people have a problem with them and talk badly about them.
Women can’t do this, can’t do that. All the rules seem to apply only to women. God gave equal rules to everyone, but men made all the rules for women only. If a man stalks thousands of girls and talks to thousands, no one says anything. But if a woman talks to a boy, the entire society starts gossiping about it. In the job sector, women are often used as sex objects. When they go to office, everyone stalks them, some chases them, some propose them. Even Many times, a woman gets a job just so the boss can have a sexual relationship with her.
The Objectification of Women
Have you ever seen any big brand ads or just some beer ads? Especially in showrooms or malls? Sometimes you will see a sexy girl standing in front of a car in a bikini to promote the car. What does her bikini have to do with the car? In what way does it make sense? But the truth is, it’s just to sell her body shape to attract people.
When I say this, of course, some men will come and say, “Look, that’s why they should stay at home so that no one can sell their beauty to earn money.”
Answer: So you think they should stay at home because some men are using them in the wrong way and taking advantage of their problem? Staying home and serving you will be the best option, and not fighting for their rights and changing society? Is that what you want? Then you are an ignorant person. The society needs to be changed, and it will never change if women don’t raise their voices for themselves.
Now some may say, she is doing this willingly, showing her body to attract others, so the blame goes to her.
First, I am not here to judge her work; I am just trying to say how men can manipulate. The truth is, most men are controlling the world’s financial conditions and big businesses, so most of the money is now in the hands of men. When most of the money of the world is in the hands of men, then obviously, women need to work under men to get money. And some men take full advantage of this. They know women need money to survive, and they offer them to sell their beauty and bodies to get profit out of that.
The Digital World and the Desperation of Men
Think about what happens when a girl opens an account on social apps. Thousands and thousands of men message her; some want to marry her, and some give her sexual proposals. If you compare then a woman receives a hundred times more messages from men than a man does from women. It shows the desperation in one gender.
When a woman gets 100 messages from different men, after searching, you can find that many of them are already married men or have girlfriends but still message other women to enjoy their company.
Household Dynamics and Gender Roles
Let’s talk a little about the household. Whose decision is mostly final in the house? Your dad’s. In most cultures, the dad is the head of the house. But my question is, who made him the head? What did he do to become the head? Maybe he works 8 hours a day and earns some money; is that why he’s the head? Be logical. Some dads are not good in character, some don’t even know how life works, some can’t even cook an egg, and some are just blind followers of Religion. Then how can they be the head of the family?
If you look at sacrifices, you can’t even compare the sacrifices made by women to those made by men for the family. Women’s sacrifices are much bigger and more painful than men’s for the family. But still, men are the head. Who shouts more in the house? Men. Who mostly can’t control their anger in the house? Men. Who is supposed to be shy and keep silent in the house? Women. In some cultures, women don’t even eat food with their husbands; the whole family eats, and the wife or mother eats alone, the leftover food.
Women and Worshipping
Ramadan is a beautiful month, a month of blessing, but all evening, the women in the house spend their time preparing iftar for the family. Why? God sent both men and women for ibadah(worshipping), right? Then why do men perform ibadah for God, and women need to do ibadah for their husbands or families? They cook and clean so much while fasting that they don’t get any chance to make dua before iftar. After iftar, they get tired and can’t even focus on night prayers. Is this fair? We are taking away their chance to worship only because of our comfort. We are ruining their hereafter, and in doing so, our own hereafter is also being ruined.
Do you know, still, in some cultures, women are not allowed to go to the mosque, church, or temple during their period? They are treated as dirty when a period should be seen as a beautiful and painful sacrifice that women go through every month. They willingly take this pain every month only for a future baby. This sacrifice should be appreciated, but instead of appreciation, they are treated like dirty people. Shame on these types of mindsets.
Dawah, or preaching for the truth, is compulsory for everyone, but how many women do you see going out and preaching about God? Mostly men are doing it. So women are even brainwashed from doing acts for God. Just imagine, women are losing everything. Losing social life, losing job life, and even losing paradise in the hereafter because they are not encouraged to do ibadah.
The Manipulation of Women by Sheikhs/Teachers
Men have been making rules for societies and families since the beginning. Why didn’t women speak up before? Because men emotionally manipulated them and still do. Otherwise, why would some women have a problem when other women talk about their rights? This is shocking. Some women have become so weak because of their obstacles and upbringing that they feel whatever they are doing is correct, and there’s no need to ask for any rights. If someone asks for rights, these women call them bad.
Just imagine how much their brains have been washed by men. Of course, they will be, because wherever you go, men are the ones teaching women what to do. It is not the problem. Anyone can be the teacher. But the problem arises when some men teach women things that only benefit men. They don’t teach them the truth. Some cherry-pick verses from religious scriptures and show women how God made men as kings and how women need to obey their husbands. As women are sometimes emotionally naive, they trust the man or the sheikh blindly and follow them. God will punish these teachers or sheikhs for their misinterpretation of religious verses. But I do understand why they do that. I understand Why they don’t want to talk about women’s rights even though they know the Quran and God actually gave more rights to women than men. If they talk about women’s rights, then maybe their wives will be the first to protest against them, and they don’t want that.
A Little Story of Manipulation
One of my friends was a bright student and she always came top in her studies. She was doing her master’s and already had a job with a good salary. Then suddenly she got married to her boyfriend. Before marriage, her boyfriend and she decided that both would work and she would continue her master’s after marriage. But after marriage, everything seemed to change. The boyfriend started talking to her about babies. His parents wanted to see grandchildren, so he was every day calmly and emotionally trying to convince her to get pregnant.
She agreed, and fortunately, she got pregnant. After pregnancy, everyone in the family told her to stop going to work and stop studying; they said it would give her stress, and stress is not good for the baby. So she accepted and took a break from her studies. Then the baby was born. The family and husband convinced her that there was no need to work or study until the baby turned 2 years old. She again agreed, and before the baby turned 2 years old, she got pregnant again. Like that, a bright mind vanished in the circle of stars. She lost her shine. She didn’t study for almost 5 years and didn’t go to work, so obviously, she lost her interest in returning to study again. Her dream was left behind because of family.
This is not good at all. Her partner manipulated her and got what he and his parents wanted, and she had to sacrifice her dreams. You may say she also wanted a baby; of course, she did. It’s natural. This is a woman’s instinct and emotion. And that is why when a woman is emotional and making emotional decisions, a true partner will stand firm and remind her about her dreams, about her purpose. But when a partner uses her emotions for themselves and their benefit, that’s when the problem arises. If her partner had supported her, she would have definitely pursued her dreams while also having babies. Babies are not in our hands; they are in the hands of God. Babies are the future, but if I have a wife whom I love, I should think about her and her dreams first; all other things might come later. That’s love. That is what marriage is all about.
While I am blaming men, women also need to be blamed for being emotionally driven and losing themselves to satisfy others. Knowing your purpose is important for both men and women. If you, as a woman, think your duty on this earth is just to cook, clean, and make babies, then I have nothing to say. But if you think no, you also came here to do something extraordinary, to make a memory, to heal people, to be brave, to preach the truth, to make your parents and God proud, then you always need to keep a balance between your family life and your purpose. Only then will you achieve ultimate success here and in the hereafter. So, please think wisely before taking any step
Men Should Stand Up for Women’s Rights
A man should be the one to feel for their partners, for their mom and sisters, and a man should be the one to stand up for their rights. But mostly, men are putting these women down, and when some women stand up for their own rights, those men try to bully and insult them. What type of man you are?
God created all beings on this earth with freedom. We are all born with freedom, and no one can take it from us. So why do we force our women, our partners, our wives, our daughters, and our mothers to give up their freedom just to satisfy us? Can’t you see their pain? Are you that blind? See how much your mother struggles. Think about how many months she carried you in her womb, and now you want to take away her rights and dreams? Your sister loves you, in some cultures, they tie you a rakhi so that you’ll care for her, and how do you repay her? By pressuring her? By making her live in fear?
Life in fear is like living in prison. Why are you making your loved ones feel like they’re living in a prison? Sometimes they might not say it loudly, but see their inner pain, understand their heart, their inner voice. They also want to fly, and you should be the one decorating their wings as a man, not cutting them. Feel for them, love them, because true love never takes away freedom. If you love your mother, sister, wife, or girlfriend and they want their rights from society, you should be the first to stand for them. That’s what a real man does.
On the other hands, Fake men try to show their masculinity by putting women down, bullying them, and trying to prove that women are weak. A real man encourages a woman to move forward, gives her freedom, fights for her, and sacrifices for her. And if someone calls them a feminist, they proudly embrace that name.
The True Meaning of Equal Rights
To me, men and women should have equal rights. What does that mean? When a woman asks for equal rights, she’s not saying, “I want men to get pregnant too,” or “Let me fight in battle with men.” She’s simply saying that when men have the right to choose their life, their careers, and pursue their dreams, why should women face so many obstacles? Women should have the right to do what they want too. If men have access to jobs, women should too. If men have freedom, women should have it too. This is real feminism, and by this definition, I am proudly a feminist. You should too. Right?
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